Expand Your Horizons! (And Your Vocabulary)

Dear Anonymous,
      I have to admit that I felt surprised when I found your letter on my desk--I do not normally concern myself with the romantic drama of young women such as yourself, and thus it has taken me some time to come up with an appropriate response to your plea for help.  But, as class Valedictorian, I do feel that I can effectively offer you meaningful advice. After a bit of thought and critical analyzation of your situation, I would advise you to let your boyfriend go.  If he no longer feels satisfied with you, do not act so desperately as to keep holding on.  Let him go.  Move on with your life. You deserve better.  Read a book.  Write a poem.  Better yet, write a novel!  Let this experience mold you into a better person--use it to your advantage.  Immerse yourself in the world of literature, and who knows? Perhaps one day you too will become Valedictorian of your class.  Perhaps.  You need to work hard and dedicate yourself to something worthwhile (I suggest an in-depth study of the English language).  I cannot emphasize it enough--without hard work, you will amount to nothing.  Push yourself.  Envision yourself as valedictorian.  Make that your ultimate goal.  Before you know it, thoughts of how intelligent you will have become will replace any lingering sentiments that you may still feel toward this soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, and soon you will forget him altogether! Envision yourself in a world filled with nothing but knowledge and the subsequent happiness that will inevitably ensue.  Expand your horizons!  (And your vocabulary!)  Read about Jay Gatsby's parties and dramatic Shakespearean love stories and depressed old ladies.  Educate yourself about HeLa cells and high school football in Texas and cold-blooded murder.  Analyze poems about plums and teachers romantically involved with their students.  Allow this experience to transform you into the person who you have subconsciously always wanted to become.

Ms. Serensky

P.S. Oh, and take a Zumba class.  You will undoubtedly thank me later.

The Light of the Past

        Unlike most people, I must admit that I do not particularly enjoy watching movies.  I blame this quirk mainly on my unnaturally short attention span--I find it extremely difficult to sit still and devote my full attention to a movie for two whole hours.  Generally, I begin to lose interest after about a half hour and proceed to become fully restless just as the plot begins to thicken.  So, when I somewhat reluctantly sat down to watch Everything Is Illuminated at the suggestion of Anna Witkin, I felt more than a little surprised when, after the first forty-five minutes, not once did I feel myself growing bored or irritable.  Ironically, this movie, based on the novel by Jonathan Safran Foer, did not even remotely reflect my interests at the time--it did not involve science fiction or dragons or fairies or pirates or anything else that interested fifth-grade Victoria.  Instead, the movie tells the story of a socially-awkward young man named Jonathan who travels to Ukraine in hopes of finding the woman who had saved his grandfather's life in the Holocaust.  His tour guides include a rebellious young adult, Alex, who finds pleasure in night clubs, American rap music, and Michael Jackson; Alex's grandfather, a cranky, short-tempered, and secretly sentimental old man who does not speak English; and his grandfather's dog, Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., who, according to Alex, "is mentally deranged."  Jonathan hires Alex as both his tour guide and translator, and Alex's less-than-adequate English skills offer lots of subtle and often crude humor throughout the movie.  Alex, who narrates the story, provides a humorous, honest, and blunt outlook on the adventures that the three of them have. I think the thing that fascinated me the most about this movie appeared in the form of these three characters--each one has a unique, clever, and forceful personality and each personality complements the other two in a humorous and profound way.  The cultural differences between Jonathan and Alex add yet another layer to this subtle humor--for example, the fact that Jonathan does not eat meat fascinates and shocks Alex and his grandfather, just as Alex's idolization of Michael Jackson and all things American takes Jonathan aback.  Upon the completion of their journey through Ukraine, Alex compiles a book that recounts all of the things that they did and that he learned to send to Jonathan in America.  Despite the erroneous translations and grammatical errors, he indulges quite a bit of profound wisdom through his writing and narration.  My favorite quote, perhaps of all time, comes from this movie, when Alex declares that "everything is illuminated in the light of the past."  Throughout the journey, the three of them realize how the past acts in mysterious yet meaningful ways to shape the present and future.